Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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