so explain again why im purple
no
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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