He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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