I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
