he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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