It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
