I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
