We're like a lot better than the average bears
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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