We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
