My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
