FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
