Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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