Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize