i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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