"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
