Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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