Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
