there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
