i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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