as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
