My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
