My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
