No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
