Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
