I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
