You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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