hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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