my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
