I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize