Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
