I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
