I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
