some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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