fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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