I puked a lego.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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