just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love how my cats smell like pot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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