Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
