So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
