I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
