Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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