No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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