He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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