yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
