My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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