He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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