I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someone shattered a urinal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
