he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
