I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
