He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
