I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
