I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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