So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
