After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
