just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
