I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
