did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
