i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it hurts more in the daytime
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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