he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
