Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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