Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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