His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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