I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
