she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize