Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
