i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
