woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
