I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
