people are starting to question the shark bite story
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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