Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
