CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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