I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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